Earlier I posted that Bruce was fired. It's not true. I'm not sure what's going on. I know that he's not working today. I know that yesterday he got into a fight with his manager. I think his manager is being a jerk-- unless Bruce is white lieing about the details.

Lately, I've been working late. I worked till 11pm on mon and Tuesday. Tonight I worked till 7:45. Then I drove downtown and saw The Count of Monte Cristo with the movie bears. It's a very good movie.

Afterwards I had a beer at the Cuff. I talked to a friend of Chris5. He said that Chris5 is back together with his ex, the ex before Harry. Oh well.

I did a light workout tonight. My shoulder felt much better after I exercised it.

I'm also working at home. I've got some research to do for Wednesday and it's not as simple as I thought.

Saturday morhing I had breakfast with Bruce and Chris2 at Van's. Chris2 was his usual bitter self. Chris2 invited us to a friends birthday party that evening. He said that the party was very large, but if anyone asked we had to say that Milton invited us.

There were a couple of other gay guys at Van's. One of them was kind of cute. I was hoping he would talk to me. But, I guess they were a "faithful couple". When they were far off they would eyeball us, but when they were walking by they ignored us.

After breakfast, I bought an X-Box. I spent most of yesteday playing Oddworld. It's a big waste of time, but it's fun.

In the evening, Chris2 called and said it was snowing fairly hard where he lived, so he wasn't going to go to the birthday party. Bruce and I talked shortly afterwards. We agreed to get together at the Cuff at around 10pm. At about 9:30pm, it was snowing hard where I live. So, I called Bruce and backed out of the Cuff. Bruce and I decided to meet at Vans for breakfast on Sunday.

Well, it's Sunday morning and it's still snowing. Seattle has shut down. Bruce called and said that he couldn't make it to Van's. So I guess I have an excuse to play Oddworld all day.

I should work out as well. Some of my shoulder muscles are bugging me. The first time I worked out, after talking three weeks off for Christmas, I went at it full intensity. I did some dumbell flys with 60lbs dumb bells. Well, I should have worked my way up to 60lbs. I ended up straining some muscles. Now I'm down to doing chest pressess with just the bar.

I also have to do some paperwork-- I'm refinancing my house. In addition, I've got a bit of work-work to do.

I guess I can't play Oddworld today.

The Accident.

The accident wasn't that exciting. It happened at around 10pm on November 5th 1998; the first heavy rain of the year. I had dinner downtown, including a pint of beer. I drove back home at about 55mph (to my recolection) I was driving in the right lane of the 520. A white SUV infront of me started to quickly slow down. I slowed down to keep pace with the SUV. Then the SUV jumped to the left lane. In front of the SUV was a car going much more slowly. I couldn't slow down faster to avoid the car, and I rear-ended it.

Her car was a written off. When I rear-ended it, I pushed it into the guard rails. The front end of my truck was all smashed up. There were no critical injuries. An ambulance appeared, looked over her and let her go.

I was charged with driving too fast given the circumstances. I was also given a field sobriety test. Nothing materialized from that.

Well, three years pass and I never heard from her. Because I haven't had any other claims or traffic infractions since then my insurance rates finally returned to normal. Not that they were that high-- we're talking about a 10% difference. Then, Thursday night while I was cooking dinner, I heard a knock at the door. A woman asked me if I was BC. I said yes. She handed me some paper work and left.

The paper work doesn't say how much she is asking for. She alleges that I was driving 75mph and she was driving 45. She also said I made no effort to stop. As a result of the accident she is in constant pain and experiencing an associated loss of quality of life. She was single at the time. She's married now. Here husband is also suing. As a result of the accident, he is experiencing a loss of companionship from her.

I went to Chris1's Birthday party tonight. I ran in to several people that I only see once or twice a year-- at my birthday, at Chris1's.

There was some drama at the party. I didn't clue into it. I just noticed that 3 of the guys left early. Chris1's room mate made a joke that was taken the wrong way by some of the guests. The left and the room mate spent a couple of hours in his room. He came out of his room by midnight.

Also, Chris1 mentioned that all is not well with Bruce at work. This kind of suprized me because Bruce has never mentioned anything to me.

Bruce didn't show up till late. When he did show up, Chris1 said to Bruce, "I thought you'd talk to Barry about work stuff." Bruce said that he didn't want me to know. Then Bruce turned to me and told me that he was on a PIP. At work, before they fire you, management puts you on a Personal Improvement Plan. Basically they give you six weeks to improve your performance. Bruce's PIP started in mid December.

I hope things work out for Bruce. I wish he would have asked for help. I can't do his work, but I understand how to play our companies game a bit better than he does.

Chris1 said that Bruce said that if things didn't work out, Bruce was going to move back to Vancouver or Toronto. I'm tired of losing close friends. It's been a year and a half since Andy moved away.

I talked to my insurance company today. The claim manager said he didn't remember how much I was being sued for. He did remember the amount was covered by my insurace policy.

I wrote Master Mark back and told him that I was backing out. I really don't want to try and be a sex slave again.

Busted…

Three years ago last November I got into an accident. I rear-ended a car on the freeway. Tonight I was served papers. She is suing m. I’ll contact my lawyer and the insurance company in the morning.

Oh yeah, I said yes to Master Mark’s offer.

I went to movie bears last night. We saw Brother Hood of the Wolf It was a subtitled french film, but the story was pure hollywood action adventure. It was a bit too long, but other than that it was good.

Afterwards I went out to the Cuff and chatted with Roger and James. I met Roger at a couple of Ryan and Jen's parties. Roger mentioned that he didn't know I was gay until he ran into me at the Cuff. We chatted for a couple of hours about nothing in particular.

This morning I got the following email from Master Mark....

> Hi Barry, I know you don't want to continue what we were doing before,
> but I have a proposition for you. I have a friend from LA, his name is XXX,
> He is in town on business
> occasionally, and I have in the past lined up hot guys for him to work over
> with me. I might have mentioned him to you. Anyway, he's going to be in
> town Fri/Sat Feb 1/2, and I thought of you...

Maybe. Maybe not.

Bruce and Chris showed up at my office last night. We chatted a while and then header for dinner at Oba's; a Mexican restaurant in Redmond. Bruce is having some doubts about moving in with Chris. I don't think he wants someone to know where he is almost all the time. Over dinner, Chris offered to help in pack some of his stuff. Bruce said no and wouldn't give a reason why. He wanted Chris to work out for a while. Chris and I carefully tried to get Bruce to accept Chris's offer of help, but he wouldn't budge and wouldn't say why.

I wish he wouldn't do that. It kind of worries me when he's vague and secretive. I hope things work out for them.

I played hockey afterwards. We lost 7-2. It was a frustrating game. The other team was one level above us. I played well though. Only two goals were scored against us while I was on the ice.

I worked late today. I even worked from home. I'm almost caught up from all the crap that happened last week. My manager stopped by to tell me that she understands-- shit happens.

I had lunch with Bruce today. Over the weekend his team moved to the building right next to me. I guess we are going to have lunch together much more often.

I slept over night at and I had breakfast with Bruce and Chris. Actually, I ended up making breakfast for Bruce and Chris. Chris started to make breakfast, but he's easily distracted when it comes to cooking. So, I started making the pancakes because I was hungry. Then I made the bacon. Then I made the eggs. He did crack the eggs. He also mixed the pancake batter.

I worked a bit in the afternoon. I have to write my performance review.

I also bought a new bench, a barbell and weights. Till now I've been working out with dumb bells. With heavier dumb bells, you have to be careful when exercising your chest. It’s easy to muck up your shoulders. Well. I worked out with dumb bells on Saturday. My shoulders are still bugging me today. So, I decided that before I really wreck my shoulders, I’m going to get a barbell and supports.

I had dinner at C.C.’s and beer at the Cuff. I ran into many people that I knew. Chris6 was there, as was George and Officer Robert. Rob got fairly drunk. We he left, he said going home because he was frustrated. He also hinted that he’d like to see me. I told him that I’d like to have dinner sometime, so we exchanged numbers. I’m not sure how to proceed here. Rob is a great guy, but he’s not really my type.

Saturday morning, I had breakfast with Bruce and Chris. Afterwards, they went to Bruce's place to move some his stuff over to their new place. I went home, worked, worked out, and waited till the inspector came by to test the fire alarms.

I live in a townhouse in Redmond. About a month ago one of the units burnt down. I don't know why. Anyways, they decided to send an inspector around to test all the fire and heat detectors.

In the afternoon Bruce, Chris and I headed down to Tacoma to visit the antique stores. We stumbled across a cool junk store called Ramp Art. The junk was crammed in with narrow paths weaving through it. Through out the store there were disembodied maniques done up in add ways-- a pair of legs sitting on a chair, a torso with a blender instead of a head.

Bruce and Chris ended up buying a few paintings and posters, a jacket, some kitchen stuff and a small table. One poster warned women of strange men who wanted to auto-drive to cafe's and movies. It could lead to sexual relations. And that could lead to disease and pregancy. Know the man you are with!

I bought nothing. I'm not big into shopping. When I know I want something, I buy it, but I'm never on the lookout for deals.

We had dinner at the Southern Kitchen and then headed for Redmond. Bruce had to edit his TV show, so he left us. Chris and I watched most of the directors commentary for American Beauty. Since he's a budding director, he gets a lot out of that.

Chris and I left my place and we headed for theirs. We watched Requeim for a Dream. It's a great movie that's very intense and depressing. No happy ending.

Bruce got back when about 5 minutes of the movie was left; at about 1am. We talked a bit, then they pulled out a futon and I slept there for the night.

Had a bad day at work today. Small emergencies kept popping up.

Ate dinner at home. I listened to an interesting documentary on This American Life on why the American Psychiatry Assoication stopped labeling homosexuality as a disease.

I drove down to Bruce and Chris's for a while. We watched a few episodes of Sex and the City. Afterwards, I went to the Cuff. I ran into Chris6 and officer Rob. We chatted a bit. I got bored. it wasn't a great night at the Cuff. So, I left.

Work went ok today. A couple of minor emergencies cropped up. They still haven't been solved, but we working on them.

I left work early today for snowboarding with Chris6. We had fun. The first two or three times down the hill Chris was falling over constantly. By the end of the evening, he was much stronger.

He told me his side of what happened between he and his ex. It started out as a verbal argument. Chris needed to use the shower. The ex was talking his time. After about 15 minutes, he opened the bathroom door. The ex slammed it shut. They pushed and shoved the door and ended up breaking it. At some point after the door broke, the ex called 911 and said the Chris attacked him with a knife.

Chris said he's finally putting his ex behind him. He's still worried that the ex will pull a stunt on him. After all last Sunday his ex spat at him at the Cuff.

I've been trying to evaluate Chris, his ex, and who is telling the truth. Robert, a police officer, said he heard the 911 tape. In his opinion the ex sounded too calm to have been attacked by a knife.

Anyways, Chris6 said he's probably not capable of falling in love right now. He also said that lately he hasn't had much of a sex drive. We walked past a good looking man and he told me that for the first time in weeks he felt an attraction to a man. It was good to know those bits were still working.

Last night I went to see Gosford Park with the movie bears. Gosford Park is one of those well made/well acted movies that is too long. It has lots of people just standing around and talking. For the most part it's ok, because what they say and how they say it is interesting.

After the movie, I stopped by the Balitc room to catch up with Bruce and Chris. B&C were there with a lesbian couple. I'm 90% sure one of the lesbians used to be a man. She has big hands, big shoulders and a masculine voice

Bruce has an idea for a short film. He wants to get guys to tell stories about their foreskins. We talked about how to pull that off-- how to make men comfortable enough to tell a stories about their foreskins.

We went to the Cuff afterwards. Robert, the cop was there. We chatted for a while and talked about the Cuff gang. It seams that everyone I hand around at the Cuff is on the rebound.

Played hockey last night. We lost 5-1. I got an interferance penalty. On the plus side, I finally have good cardio. I was skating at full speed without running out of breath.

I also got my hair cut yesterday. The barber trimmed my ears. I'm trying to remember the first time the barber offered to trim my ears and eyebrows. I'm getting old. Hair is starting to pop up in all kinds of ugly places. It's slowly moving down my neck and onto my back. Ten more years and I might have a hairy back.

Ordinary day. At work we had security training.

When I got home, I ate some leftovers, and cycled a bit. On Saturday, while I was snowboarding, I pulled a muscle in my neck. It hurts when I stress it, so I'm not going to work out till it get's better. Besides that, I have hockey tomorrow night. I'll get plent of exercise then.

I had breakfast with Bruce this morning. I mentioned that I'm going to show Chris6 how to snowboard this Thursday. We ended up debating if this was a date or not. I don't think it's a date. I think Chris6 just wants to do something fun. Bruce says it's probably a date. Karyn, our waitress, said I should ask.

This afternoon, for the first time in months, I washed the truck. It was covered with dirt. It’s been raining so much for the past few months that I haven’t had a chance to keep it clean.

I went out to the Cuff tonight. I ran into Chris6 and George (The nice guy I met on Friday) Right now Chris6 is having big problems with his ex. This is Chris6’s side of the story. A few months ago, Chris6’s ex called 911 and said that Chris6 attacked him with a knife. Over time the ex recanted his story-- said that he made it up. Chris6 and the ex started talking about what happened between each other. Last week, the charges against Chris6 were dropped. However, on Saturday, when Chris6 told his ex that they would not be moving in with each other again, the ex got blew up. Tonight the ex was also at the Cuff. The ex spat on Chris6 and then left.

George and I talked a while. He seems to be a nice guy. He’s also on the rebound. I think he moved to Seattle for love, but ended up being dumped shortly after he arrived. Chris6 called George a wounded puppy. That’s a bit true. But George doesn’t strike me as the kind of man who would be down long. Still, it’s going to be a while before I sleep with George. I want to get to know him better first. Hell, he may not even call me. Mind you, we did kiss and hold hands for a while. He also said he would call.

After George left, Chris6 and I started talking. He asked me why I wanted a boyfriend. With my looks and body I should have no problems having fuck buddies or getting laid. I told him I wanted more than that. I liked to sleep with man and to do things with him. He said he understood. Those were the things he missed most about his ex.

Then Chris6 asked me if I wanted to sleep with him. I winced and said politely said no. He asked why. I stumbled to explain things. I promised myself I wouldn’t see two guys at the same time. That Chris6’s life was kind of complex right now and I needed something simple.

If circumstances were different I would date Chris6. But they are not.

Do men I find attractive always travel in pairs?

Had an early night on Friday. I went out to the Cuff. I met a nice guy and I gave him my number. I doubt that he'll call. I ran into another Chris; Chris6. I've known Chris6 for years. When he heard that I snowboard, he gave me his number and said he wanted to try it. Tentativly we are going snowboarding this Thursday. It's not a date. Just something to do.

Speaking of snowboarding-- today Ryan, Jen, two of their friends E&L and I, went to Steven's Pass. Jen is a big skiier and she's been trying to get Ryan to try it out for a long time. She finally convinced him to try Ski Boarding. It looks kind of fun. Eric skii's. Lisa was a novice. She took a snowboarding lesson and hung around the beginners hill.

We had a good time. It was snowing, but not so bad that it was unbearable. Today was the first day that I felt comfortable on the snowboard. I made turns without thinking; worring if I had enough space or if it was too steep. I had a few good runs. I also took a few spectacular falls.

Snowboarding is much more unstable than skiing or ski boarding. You fall constantly the first 2 days. Even after you become good, you still fall. Skiing and Ski boarding on the other hand are very stable sports. You learn the basics very quickly and with some effort, never fall.

Once, when Jen and I were on the lifts, she confessed that Chris3 does make here feel uncomfortable. She knows he's not a bad man. Just just doesn't like being around him. Oh well. Nothing I can do here.

So, Yesterday, Jen emailed Bruce to invite him to snowboard. Good. Bruce and Chris3 can't go, but it removes any awkwardness from the situation. We're meeting at 7:30am in Duvall. Bleah. even during the week, I don't get out of bed till 8:30am.

I had lunch with Bruce today. Chris3 is flying back from NY and he's looking forward to being with him again.

Simple night. I bought groceries. Worked out. Ate. Updated my journal.

An old fuck buddy called. I haven't heard from him for months and months. I told him I wasn't interested in getting together.

I worked out tonight.

Later on, I went to movie bears. We saw Burnt Money. It's an ok picture about a two gay lovers who are also bank robbers. It follows them on a heist that goes wrong and eventually leads to their death.

Chris2 was there. He was his usual bitter self. Burnt Money is spanish and subititled in english. When he saw this, he groaned and bitched about having to use his brain.

Afterwards Chris2 and I went to the Cuff for a beer. I talked to a few people. Didn't see anyone interesting.

A long time ago, after Bob left me, my sex drive went away completly. I didn't jerk off for weeks. When I did, I didn't use sex fantasies. I just emptied my mind and JO'd. JOing and fantasizing just reminded me how lonely I was and how badly I wanted to be with someone. The same thing is happening again. I don't want to think about sex or holding someone. I feel bad about Harry and Chris5.

Had lunch with Bruce. His team is moving to a building right next to mine. His old building was about a 10 minute walk. I guess this means that Bruce and I will have lunch together much more often.

Played hockey tonight. We lost 5-4 in sudden death overtime. I had a fairly good game. There were many penalties. It didn't help that one of our better players spent 10 minutes in the penalty box.

Ryan and Jen have invited me to go snowboarding with them this Saturday at Steven's pass. They didn't invite Bruce and Chris3. I think that Jen feels slightly uncomfortable around Chris3. R&J have B&C's email addresses and would have invited them if they wanted. They also know that Bruce is a snowboard instructor and would jump at any chance to go snowboarding at Steven's. This puts me in a bit of an awkward position. I'll try and casually mention this to Ryan and see what he says.

Back to work today. It took a lot of effort to drag my ass out of bed. I'd love to take a month off to snowboard, hike and play hockey. Nothing exciting at work.

I heard from Chris5. He said lunch with me would be good, but he'd get back to me with a day and a time-- he's very busy right now. I can't tell if he's being honest or giving me the brushoff.

I'm going to workout tonight-- for the first time in 3 weeks.

I had Breakfast with Bruce again.

Afterwards I went snowboarding at Snoqualmie. It was lightly raining. I was soaked after about an hour, so I called it a day. I napped till late afternoon, had some dinner and then headed down to the Cuff. It was a quiet night. I talked to a few people, watched "Shrek" and then left for home.

Bruce and I had dinner tonight at the Tropea Ristorante Italiano. It was good. For some reason Bruce has made it our goal to find the best Tiramisu in Seattle, so now we are going to have to tour the different Italian restaurants. Tropea's tiramisu was ok, but not great.

Afterwards I went downtown to the Seawolf, and then the Cuff. I ran into Darryl there. Darryl is HIV+, but we both find each other attractive. He gave me his number, and asked me to call. I told him it could be a while, since I'm dating someone. I'm not really dating someone. I'm just hoping that Chris5 and I will get together.

Harry was at the Cuff. We said "Hi" to each other, but not much more.

I've been playing a lot of Oddworld on Chris3's X-box. I'll be glad when he comes back from NY to take the box away. It's a big time sink.

I forced myself to go snowboarding yesterday. It was fun. I went boarding in the morning, napped in the afternoon, and then went down town for dinner with Chris2 and Bruce.

After dinner Bruce asked me to go with him to check on Chris3's place. Chris3's ex has been giving him problems. Bruce wanted to make sure someone was there just in case something went wrong. It sounds like the ex promised he would move out by September but hasn't. Now the ex's father has died, and it's going to be another month before his stuff is gone. Meanwhile, Chris3 is having problems finding another roommate since he can't commit to a time when the ex's bedroom will be free. In addition, Bruce doesn't feel comfortable moving in with Chris3 until the ex is gone, but Bruce has given notice that he's moving out of his apartment at the beginning of February.

Chris3's place was all right. The ex wasn't there. Bruce thanked me and then dropped me off at the Cuff. It was a quiet night. I had a beer and then left.

This morning I had breakfast with Bruce. We talked about Chris5. I'd like to date him, but he hasn't returned my call. He might be out of town. Or, word may have gotten to him that Harry and I recently had relations-- Chris5 and Harry share a loose lipped, mean, gossipy friend. Since Chris5 is Harry's ex, that may have turned him off me.

I've got all these obsessive stalking urges that I have to keep in check. It's hard. I think keeping the journal helps me with this, since it allows me to vent and to clearly state what I'm feeling. I don't tell my real feelings to anyone.

Played hockey tonight. We won 7-0. I got two tripping penalties.

Chris3 left his X-Box at my house. I was playing video games all day. I've got to keep it off tomorrow.

Yesterday, after talking with Bruce and Chris3 about it, I called Chris5 and asked him out. I haven't heard back from him. Maybe he's been talking to Harry and now want's to keep some distance. Maybe's he's just busy. We'll see.

"Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day." -unknown.

Chris's 2002 is also off to a good start. Chris's ex is moving out of Chris's house. The ex has taken 2 week longer to move than planned. Today they got into a big argument over it. Chris changed the locks. The ex ended up calling Bruce, and threating to get the police to break the locks. This story hasn't ended yet.

The 3 of us had dinner at my place. Chris brought over his X-Box. He's applying to the X-Box group, so he's studying a few of its games. They left it at my place I played with it for a few hours. I really should find better things to do with my time. Right now, I just want to be pleasantly entertained. No responsibilites. No thinking.

Happy new years.

Had a mixed couple of days.

I spent New Years Eve at Ryan and Jen's. Bruce and Chris were also there. It was fun.

Bad day today. I went over to Harry's to help him paint. After a while FB showed up. We had a bit of small talk, and than FB quickly left. Harry was very moody afterwards. Finally he told me that he didn't want to be pressured at all by FB or by me. He needs to be single for a while. I said goodbye to him and left.