While a contemplate my the extra cash in my life, I find myself asking 'how do I want to live?'

I used to have a great camera and enjoyed taking photos. Somewhere along the line all that stopped. Then my camera went missing in the separation from my ex.

Lately I've been looking over nice cameras. Reading reviews. Comparing. But I can't honestly say that I would make great use of a good camera. I don't take that many pics with my cell phone. I don't have that much time to process pictures. Steven and I have busy careers and I don't want to take away from that in our time off.

So the good camera goes by the wayside.

Dinner and a play last night. The play was "Straight White Men"  I'm not sure what to think about S.W.M. Steven loves theater. I enjoy a big theatrical productions. Smaller plays usually don't click with me.

 

SWM is a play about white male privilege. The writer approaches this very maturely-- there are no easy answers. Yes, white men have privileges. Asking straight white men to give them up is just not a solution. There is no solution to the problem of your existence.

 

The gimmick of the play is that while the main cast are all white men, the crew and minor characters are very visible minorities. Between acts the minorities reset the stage and then go and sit in the audience. In my case, the flaming black gay man who introduced the play sat right next to me. During the play he would quietly talk about the events with those around him. In one scene when the white men are all eating the same piece of pie, the drag queen quipped "But it's flu season!"

 

Like I said, I'm not sure what to think about this play.

 

Before the play we had dinner with Blum. Meeting Blum is a small-world story. I worked with Blum maybe 10 years ago. We drifted apart as work changed. Recently, Steven met Blum through his recovery meetings. Blum invited Steven to her holiday party. And we reconnected.

 

 

 

No changes on sponsee. He is still in his first 30 days of treatment. Steven called a few of the sponsee's siblings this morning to ensure they know what is going on.

I see that Tommy has hit a bump with his treatments. I hope all goes well. He is doing the right things.

At my parents home, mother is on more medication for her seizures. Dad thinks her memory is in more rapid decline.

I'm doing very well through all of this. I paid my last payment to my ex so there is now some extra cash in the budget. The pets are doing fine. Steven and I are doing great.

The sponsee has checked into treatment.

The night before he said he was so anxious about treatment that he hardly slept a wink.

Wednesday morning we drove to the treatment center. He had to give up his cell phone, but he is allowed to receive mail, so he was scrambling to write down contact information.

The treatment program is six months long and very cloistered. He could only bring in underwear, socks and $60.00 in cash. He will only be able to see a few preapproved visitors after 30 days. It's not a lock up though. The doors were open. We had to be buzzed in, but I could exit the building without being stopped. He can leave when he wants.

I hung around for a half an hour just to double check he met all the basic requirements. Then we said our good byes and I left.

Today, I am determined to not be a couch potato. I am leaving the TV off and engaging with other things. Such as writing a long and sprawling blog entry. I'm not sure the world is better off because of this. But hey…

The sponsee is still here. Last Thursday he was very sick with a cold so we couldn't check him into addiction treatment. His check-in date is now set for this Wednesday. We have been taking care of him. Fortunately he has been very easy to take care of as he sleeps most of the time.

Friday afternoon the sponsee called me. The fire alarms were going off in our house. He said there was no smoke. He couldn't figure out how to reset the alarms. I quickly drove home to investigate—the house and the sponsee. The sponsee was right. There didn't appear to be any reason for the alarms to go off. I pulled the alarm batteries and disconnected their hard lines. Modern fire detectors are just too clever. The sponsee was clear headed when we talked, but still sick and coughing. He went to bed and fell asleep shortly after I shut off the alarms.

Saturday morning I fell into some kind of procrastination black-hole. I couldn't bring myself to watch the tv shows that I wanted to watch. That would be admitting that I was goofing off. Instead, I left "The Amazing World Of Gumball" on TV and just vegged. Gumball is not the kind of show that adults should binge watch. It's a clever children's show with occasional naughty jokes. None the less, I watched it for hours. What are those creatures? What are the laws of physics in that universe?

Saturday afternoon Steven returned from his trip. I was very glad to see him.

Saturday evening was Yo's birthday. Steven and I were invited, but we thought it best if Steven stayed with the sponsee. I took a few hours off and went there by myself.

I took a Lyft there and back. I really like Lyft. The service that they provide is great. Getting a taxi is easy. I know what I'm going to pay before hand. Rides come quickly. The cars are clean.

Why is it that when I call a big taxi company, it takes 30 minutes to get a ride to my house, But with Lyft, one will be there in 5?

Anyways, It's a treat to use Lyft. Not only could I drink with out worry, but I didn't have to deal with traffic or parking. The next time Steven and I go out for an evening, I'm going to use Lyft even if it is many bucks more than driving. Steven can get frustrated driving and parking, especially when it's raining and the traffic is high. He has mentioned that he wants me to drive more, but he is such a control freak that he doesn't like it when I drive. Lyft may avoid that problem and let us have a stress free evening away.

Back to Yo and the Angel. I had dinner and drinks with them. We three are all escapees of very bad relationships. The Angel opened up about that with me for the first time.

We had a wonderful dinner. We had great drinks—hand crafted cocktails. A "Hand-crafted Cocktail Lounge" sounds pretentious compared to a "Bar" but these lounges do a nice job. They are well designed. The drinks are nice to look at. The bartenders are very showy while they make them.

The difference between a bar and a cocktail lounge… at a bar, a scantily dressed young waitress will quickly bring you your drink in a Solo cup. Male bartenders or waiters are rare. At a high end lounge, well dressed men and women will serve you and even have good conversation with you.

So I had a party night with Yo and the Angel. Even though I drank heavily, I was home by 10pm. This is my life now. When did that change happen? There were years when I wouldn't head out to a club until 10pm. Now 10pm is bed time. Even on weekends.

Sunday morning I woke up with a bit of a hangover. I cannot let Steven know when I have a hangover. Given his attitude on drinking, I think that he'd rub it in. I drank a lot of water and took a few asprin. I went for a nice long hike with the dog.   

Sunday afternoon the sponsee took a home drug test as the addiction treatment center won't take you unless there are no drugs in your system. The test showed all clear.  It was nerve wracking waiting for the test to process. We had a good laugh after.

Sunday evening the sponsee went out to his car to remove any valuables. Steven, not joking, asked "Should we watch him. Do you think he will return?" We were relieved when he did return ten minutes later.

Steven is away this week for work. We said our goodbyes a few hours ago. I babysit the sponsee today. Another AA acquaintance will watch him tomorrow. Wednesday morning we check him into treatment.

I hope he makes it.

The sponsee is here. He is pasty and tired. He says he's been awake for three days. Crystal meth and gambling. He is very uncertain of himself.

He is in bed now.

Steven is away for a few days so we have been coordinating over the phone. The sponsee is spending the night here. In the morning he drives him self to a someone (Who is also in AA) They will spend the day going to AA meetings and doing research on recovery & treatment options.  

If all goes to plan, Thursday evening the sponsee heads back to our place.

I'm trying to be a good host but am staying detached. A cynical part of me says I'd love to be taken care of for a month and to receive counseling and coaching to help solve my problems. But, that is not helpful. His are not my problems.

I don't understand addiction. Sure, there have been times I've drank too much or done other stupid things. But, I've always been able to stop myself or change. These addicts push on till money, hunger or health slam them into a wall.

Of course there is always more bad news. A friend's daughter was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. The friend flew into town to spend time with her. We don't know what her future will bring, though it has spread far with tumors in her colon and on her liver.

 

 

Steven is heard from the sponsee. He's alive, though he's not in treatment. Hopefully things don't get much worse for him.

 

The sponsee… some thing has happened.

Steven received a text earlier today from the sponsee. The sponsee had  to leave treatment. He said his insurance was denied.

We three made an arrangement that the sponsee would sleep at our townhouse tonight. While the sponsee was waiting for me to return to home, he said he would go to a nearby AA meeting. Afterwards he would drive to our house.

But then nothing. The sponsee has gone quiet. I hope the best for him. I fear the worst.

Am back to work again. Some people are still away for the week. Some are here. Progress on last years projects is quickly spinning up.

 

 

Happy New Year all!

We spend the evenings at friends, Allen and Evan. They cooked a great dinner for us—prime rib, Yorkshire pudding, roast veggies.

Now, we are all early people. While we originally intended to stay up to midnight, at about 11pm we started to peter out. We excused ourselves and drove home and watched the New Year come in on our TV. They we promptly went to bed.

New Years Resolutions-- Looking over my blogs, I see that I don't have a great track record of keeping resolutions. I think I will leave this at that.