We moved last Saturday and have spent the last two days unpacking and organizing. There is still much work to be done, but the place is starting to be a home. 

We still don't have laundry or cable/internet. Those should be done today.

The new place is nice. Since we own it rather than rent, I'm a little more careful. I close drawers, doors and cabinets gently with the handles instead of giving them a quick shove. I clean up after myself a little more often. U hope these new habits stick.

Mediation went well. We reached an agreement.

 

My lawyer started off the morning warning me that since this was only a half day mediation, there may only be enough time to bring the mediator up to speed on the details of our dispute and to establish a framework for resolving it.

 

Things started off wrong. The mediator moved four months ago and google brought up his old address. Fortunately the mediator only moved one block and we were able to walk over.

 

The mediator told me he was running this session "Henry Kissinger" style. RO and his lawyer were in different rooms than my lawyer and I. The mediator would talk to me and my lawyer for bit, then go and talk to RO and his. After a few rounds of this, it became clear that there was one big factual dispute between us. RO thought I had much more money than I actually do. When I produced the paperwork showing otherwise, my lawyer, RO's lawyer and the mediator left for a chat. When they returned, the mediation became very productive.

 

Rather than ending after a half day, all the lawyers agreed to spend a few extra hours to finish the process.

 

We had to go back and forth a few times about the final dollar amount. As my lawyer said, we had to balance two things, we want the dollars I'm paying RO to be low. We also have to offer a number high enough to show we are taking the process seriously. "You have to hang the meat low enough that the dog will try to jump."

 

RO and his lawyer accepted our final offer.

 

I'm glad the mediation is now over. It's a little more lucrative for RO than I would have liked, but I'll get over it.

 

We still have to execute on the agreement. That will be so much more easy than the endless waiting that's happened for the past year.

Its difficult to gather all the paperwork and statements for the mediation. Most of the interesting stuff is 10 years old and long since discarded it. The banks have some records. Not as much as I had hoped.

I make calls to get copies. The lawyer charges me a small fortune to check up on me. To make sure I do track down the statements.

Other things are afoot. My brother left his wife. He packed a bag and left. Much like I did. I wonder if that's the right way to end a relationship. It is if you are tired of not being heard. Sometimes if you are not heard it means that you have not spoke up. Did I speak up enough? Did my brother? Did I (he?) use the relationship to hide other feeling?

I know that I am not good alone. I have more energy and focus around good people. In hindsight I think I chose RO because I was sexually attracted to him and because I could get energy from being around him. Those are good, but they are not a reason to stay with someone.

The separation continues. We finally have a date for mediation scheduled. I'm scrambling to collect the last 12 years worth of statements.  My lawyer has warned me that owing to the messy state of things, it's probably in my best interest to offer RO a little more cash. A trial will be expensive.

 

Moving continues as well. We move at the end of May. Honestly, I'd love to move now. I hate this waiting.